84 Medical Pick Up Lines

Let's play 'name that body part' - I'll use my tongue.

Want to check my prostate? I promise I'll return the favor.

Let's be like sperm and egg - unite and multiply.

I'm no mammographer, but I'd love to take a closer look at those.

Forget the speculum - I've got something else to open you up with.

Nice antibody. Wanna conjugate?

I'd check your blood sugar, but you're sweet enough.

Let's play doctors and nurses, but skip the stethoscope - I want skin-to-skin contact.

I'm no gynecologist, but I'd love to take a look.

Want to increase my white blood cell count? Because you're making me feel feverish.

Let's be like a colonoscopy and go deep.

I must have priapism, because this attraction has lasted way longer than four hours.

Want to be my personal cervical dilator?

Let's skip the oral medication and go straight to suppository.

I'm not an OB/GYN, but I'd love to deliver you multiple times tonight.

Want to test my gag reflex?

Let's be like a pair of testes and produce something together.

I must have Parkinson's, because you make me tremble.

Fancy a full body exam? I'll be thorough.

Malaria's got cycles, tuberculosis has cavities, but loving you's the chronic condition I'll never shake with ease.

Penicillin's a lifesaver, vaccines are too, but nothing boosts my immunity like a dose of you.

Insulin lowers glucose, cortisol raises it high, you're the homeostasis that keeps my levels just right.

Tendons are tough, ligaments are strong, my love for you lasts all day long.

Mitosis splits cells, meiosis makes gametes, your genetic code is the one mine seeks.

Lysosomes digest, ribosomes translate, With you, my biochemistry feels first-rate.

Roses are red, anatomy's complex, But loving you's simple, no need to perplex.

Want to test my flexibility? I can bend in all sorts of ways.

Let's skip the tongue depressor and find better uses for our mouths.

I'm no ophthalmologist, but I bet I can make your eyes roll back.

Care to be my anatomy study buddy? I need hands-on practice.

Care to be my personal EKG? You're already making my heart skip beats.

Want to play with my stethoscope? I promise to listen to all your body's desires.

Let's be like a successful organ transplant - you take me inside you.

I'm no podiatrist, but I'd love to massage your feet... and work my way up.

Care to test my hand-eye coordination? I promise I'm good with my fingers.

Want to be my personal MRI? Because I want to see everything inside you.

Let's play 'guess the body part' - but we'll use touch instead of sight.

I'm no dermatologist, but I'd love to examine every inch of your skin.

Care to test my oral skills? I promise I'm not just good at taking temperatures.

Want to be my personal dialysis machine? You can clean my fluids anytime.

Let's skip the physical therapy and go straight to physical intimacy.

I'm no audiologist, but I bet I can make you scream.

Care to test my endurance? I promise I can go all night.

Want to play doctor? I've got the perfect tool for your internal exam.

Let's be like a successful skin graft and become permanently attached.

I'm no allergist, but I bet I can make you break out... in pleasure.

Strep throat is red, hypothermia is blue, I'm running a fever, but only for you.

Erythrocytes are red, cyanosis is blue, my O2 sats drop every time I see you.

Inflammation is red, ischemia is blue, my differential diagnosis only includes you.

Roses have thorns, violets have stems, your eyes dilate my pupils like anticholinergic gems.

EKGs show red, CT scans show blue, but no test can measure how much I'm into you.

Stomach acid is clear, bile is yellow-green, you're the antacid to my heartburn, if you know what I mean.

Dopamine is pleasure, serotonin is mood, but you're the neurotransmitter that puts me in the groove.

Bones are white, bruises are blue, I'd fracture my fibula just to be with you.

I'm no anesthesiologist, but I bet I can make you feel numb all over.

Care to examine my bone structure? I've got one you might be particularly interested in.

Want to play with my autoclave? I promise it's hot and steamy.

Let's be like a pair of lungs - I'll go down, you come up.

I'm no plastic surgeon, but I'd love to enhance your assets.

Care for some exposure therapy? I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Want to test my circulation? I promise the blood's flowing to all the right places.

Let's skip the CT scan and go straight to full-body contact.

I'm no chiropractor, but I bet I could adjust your back just right.

Care to be my personal stress test? You're already making my heart race.

Want to test my reflexes? I promise I'll react quickly.

Let's skip the foreplay and go straight to labor.

I hope to someday be your emergency contact.. ;)

I’d check your blood sugar, but you’re sweet enough.

What do you and a febrile patient have in common? You’re both hot.

I’m a med student, trust me, I KNOW how to palpate you right! ;)

I’m jealous of your stethoscope… I am the one who should be wrapped around your neck!

Why study an embryo when we can make one!

I'm no urologist, but I'd love to examine your flow.

Care for some hormone therapy? I've got a natural injection for you.

Want to be my personal defibrillator? You've already got my heart racing.

Let's play 'find the G-spot' - I'll be thorough in my examination.

I must have rhinitis, because you're making me breathless.

Care to test my motility? I promise I'm a fast swimmer.

Want to check my blood pressure? I warn you, it rises when you're near.

Let's be like a catheter - I'll go in deep and drain you dry.

Roses are red, cyanosis is blue, I'm tachycardic when I'm with you.

Platelets are sticky, plasma is runny, your smile's so bright, it's giving me bunny.

White blood cells fight, red cells carry O2, But nothing compares to what you do to me, boo.

Arteries are red, veins are blue, I'd donate my heart, if it meant being with you.